Got Imposter Syndrome?
September
11, 2024
Author:
Christy Rostek, MSW, BSW
I remember
it like it was yesterday, climbing on board that red double decker. New heels
blistering my young Canadian feet. A large tote across shoulder, carrying the
files I was assigned that morning in my new gig as child protection social worker.
In nervous hands, a good ol’ fashioned mouse pad emblazoned with a diagram of a
“core assessment.” My new line manager tossed it to me on my way out of the
office as I left for my first home visit. “Do this,” she instructed in
response to my questions; I wanted to ensure I was about to do a thorough job
assessing my newly assigned clients. At 24, I had just moved to the UK. Cockney
accents, the smell of petrol; I was taking in the sights and sounds of a city
of twelve million. Equally vying for attention: My inner critic, anxiety,
doubt, overwhelm, and their long distant cousin, perfectionism. Surely, they
hired the wrong girl. Imposter syndrome didn’t have a passport, but somehow
slipped into my luggage and joined me on my adventure overseas. Whose idea
was this?
Many
clients in their work with me, sheepishly admit that they too have this
uninvited guest, the Imposter, knocking at their door. Imposter syndrome is a psychological
term describing the feeling of deep inadequacy, insecurity and self-doubt despite
having the skills, experience, education and competence to carry out a task or
role. “Individuals experiencing imposter
syndrome often attribute their success to luck or external factors…this
internalized sense of fraudulence can lead to anxiety, fear or exposure, and a
cycle of overworking to prove oneself,” writes Dr Marwa Azab (@drmarwaazab). The good news is that we can work with the
Imposter to stop this cycle. Here’s a snippet of how I begin to do that:
I first invite
clients to be aware that when we ignore the guest, it gets noisier and louder;
like a toddler vying for our attention desperately wanting a hug and a Cheeto. I
encourage my clients to put a chair out for it. I meet it and greet it with
curiosity and compassion-wrap it in a warm blanket. I invite it to put its feet
up and give it a proverbial cup of tea.
If we
don’t meet it this way, the Imposter can be quick to hop in the driver’s seat and
take us down some wild and bumpy roads. We can know when it is around and
driving the car of our lives as it moves us faster and often has a frantic
energy (insert overworking here). We keep researching, googling, taking that
next course, and hustling for worthiness. It can really take us out of our body
and instead leave us swimming in thought. We try to prove our space in that
job, in that relationship, or on that committee. The Imposter can also often
get tangled up in shame. Not just feeling like we have made a mistake, but that
we ARE a mistake. We know when the tangling has happened, as it may have a
dissociative/disconnected feel to it. If you notice you want to curl up in your
duvet and hide from your work week and your people, this may be an indicator
that the Imposter is two-stepping with shame.
After we
invite it in and soften to it, I encourage folks to get curious about its
birthplace in their lives. While I would argue that most of us experience the
Imposter, there are some that struggle with it more pervasively and frequently.
Those with an overzealous Imposter part may have had a hyper-critical parent
who placed unreasonable demands on them while growing up. Some may have grown
up in an environment where their emotional needs were not adequately met, or where
achievement was their gold ticket for affection. People with a highly sensitive temperament style
may be more prone to an overactive Imposter. If these are relevant for you, your “visitor”
may benefit from Inner Child work in a safe therapeutic relationship. Additionally,
it may need some cognitive restructuring to reframe false beliefs and unhelpful
thought patterns wired in your neural network.
The
nervous system expands and contracts naturally, and when Imposter Syndrome
comes to visit many of us get “stuck” in a threat response-running for our
lives in a vein attempt to solve the human condition-like a chasing of the wind.
Cognitive strategies, while helpful, sometimes have their limitations in
getting to the heart of the matter and so we drop down into the body. This is
when Somatic Experiencing can be an additional helpful therapeutic tool.
What
does dropping down into the body look like?
Pay
attention when this guest knocks on your door. How do you “know” when it has
arrived? There may be a constriction in your chest. A sinking feeling in your
belly. Your thoughts may start speeding up. Your heart rate may become more
rapid.
Can you
too notice when it is Not around? Think of a moment or memory when you
experienced a felt sense of competence, confidence, and worthiness. Notice
the sensations in your body now. You might feel a slowness of breath. Your
shoulders might pull back and you may have a sense of feeling taller. Your
thoughts might slow down. You notice a smile or an energy or the mere absence
of anxiety.
In Somatic
Experiencing, we work with titrating between these two poles in the body-working
with a counter vortex (a place of resourcing and stability) as we touch into
the stored places where the Imposter hijacks us (where we experience a constriction
or activation e.g. overthinking or overworking). We pendulate back and forth
until the nervous system learns new patterns of safety and wellbeing without
the Imposter and its patterns at the helm. Working with a Somatic Experiencing
Practitioner can assist us in this journey of slowing down. We become less at
its mercy. We begin to feel more embodied, grounded, and comforted. We begin to experience more presence,
capacity and connection to ourselves, without the striving and hustling taking
us away.
It is a
paradox-the mind pulls to prove self-to know more. But in that striving we
disconnect from Self and the body; the place where true healing-our birthright-and
our innate capacity lives
Summary/Tools to practice:
1)
Normalize-Imposter Syndrome is not a fixed
thing. It’s not a diagnosis or actual “syndrome”-it’s a part of the human
condition that comes and goes throughout our lives regardless of experience
and education. Truly, the more you
know, the more you don’t know. Expect it will arrive. It’s a visitor that
comes and goes regardless of educational attainment, accolades, or
experience.
2)
Meet
it with compassion and warmth.
Treat it as a younger part of you. Lean into it. Befriend it.
3)
Respond
to unhelpful thought patterns-Cognitive
reframes or mantras may be a useful tool for you. Affirmations such as “I
don’t have to figure it out all at once,” “I’m always learning, always
growing”, “Mistakes are part of being a human”, “Imposters don’t get Imposter
Syndrome-it’s because I really care about doing well”.
4)
Notice
how it shows up-drop down into your body-What tells you it is around? Does your heart rate
increase? Is your jaw clenched? Are your thoughts racing? Is anxiety present?
5)
Notice
when it ISN’T around-What
happens when it is not there? Does your mind slow down. Is your breathing
deeper and slower?
6)
What
expectations are you placing on yourself?Are they realistic demands and
achievements? Are you outsourcing your worthiness looking for external
validation when it needs to come from within? Would you expect this of a best
friend or loved one?
7)
Set
small achievable goals you can feel good about-Choose 1 or 2 small goals for
yourself for the day.Write them down at the beginning of the day and
check them off at the end. Prepare, but with limits (set a timer, balance
prep time with self care). Be mindful of progress but not perfection.
8)
Celebrate
them-Develop a
practice of rewarding yourself when you achieve your goals.This will
help you develop a gentler, kinder relationship with yourself.
